Hard Thoughts About God in Parenting

This is a powerful post put out by Tony Reinke, Sovereign Grace Ministries. He was quoting from C.J. Mahaney's thoughts on Jude and how sometimes, as Christians, we have inaccurate views of God in relation to His Fathering of us. There are a lot of great insights here for all of us who are parents or who plan to become parents.

"In his recent sermons on Jude, C.J. spoke about the tendency of Christians to have an inaccurate view of God the Father and to have “hard thoughts about God.”

In the first message C.J. said, “I have interacted with many Christians over the years who are not certain of God’s love for them. They can be reluctant to admit it, but they aren’t convinced in their heart and mind that God loves them. In light of their sin and the holiness of God they wonder whether God does indeed love them.”

After the message C.J. received an email from a father who fears that he is unintentionally introducing to his children these hard thoughts about God. He wants to know what to do to model the grace and love of God to his children. Here is the email exchange between C.J. and John (not his real name).

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Hi, C.J.—

Thanks for your message from Jude on Sunday. It is always a privilege to hear God's Word through you. I am reminded of His grace to me through the truths preached by you over decades now.

When you noted how we often have hard thoughts of God and fail to appreciate His initiating love, I immediately thought of my example and communication about God to my kids. And when you asked at the end, "What are you most worried about?", I think it is that I will hinder my children from knowing that God not only rightly expects their obedience and submission—a bar they cannot possibly reach—but also that he loves them as a Father so deeply that He sent His son for them.

I am afraid they do have hard thoughts of God and that’s largely because of my own sinfulness (anger, impatience, anxiety), which I am eager to continue killing by the Spirit. But apart from that, the question I have is, how do we as parents insist that our children obey us in the Lord without cultivating hard thoughts of Him?

Grateful for any thoughts you would have on this.

John

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John,

This a great question that I can’t possibly cover fully in one email. But here are a few thoughts that I hope are helpful.

• You have the privilege of introducing them to God the Father and describing the ways in which he is different from you, different from all sinful fathers, and how in any way you are like him it’s only because of grace that you reflect him. See Luke 11:11–13.

• Your honest confession of your sin to your children will protect them from having hard thoughts about you or God.

• Communicating your affection for them—and joy when you are with them—promotes both good and accurate thoughts about God.

• Initiate time with them at both planned and spontaneous times. Don’t leave them with the impression that they get most of your attention when they disobey. Let them know you are so grateful for them and love being with them as much as possible.

• Bless your children with many gifts in many forms! See Luke 11 again. Study your children in order to discern what gifts would genuinely bless them and then purpose to surprise them as often as possible.

• Requiring appropriate obedience does not promote hard thoughts about God. This only happens when we do so in self-righteousness or anger. See point 2 again.

• Frequently preach the gospel to them (and not at them). Reveal to your children just how far God has gone to show his love for sinners like us.
  

My friend, if you follow the example of our gracious God, your children will not have hard thoughts about him. They will have accurate thoughts about him—and a deep love for you.

I hope these brief thoughts help, John.

C.J."